...as I realised in the early hours of Sunday morning when the surgeon held up the small, slimy wriggling blue thing that was - and is - my son.
Right now, I feel as though it wasn't just him that was born at that moment, it was me as well. It's almost as if the whole of my life to date has been pointless, or perhaps fairer to say that from that moment on I have become a totally different person, a child with so much to learn again.
I thought I'd lived a fulfilling life up to now. I've been to some of the greatest gigs in history, experienced the highest highs, visited wonderful countries and cities, enjoyed love, sex and all of that...but you could wrap all of this up in the most beautiful wrapping paper and I wouldn't swap the lot for a minute of holding him in my hands, watching his face pull all sorts of silly expressions as he learns what he can do now he's in the outside world.
Of course this Nirvana is sure to pass, but the point of a blog like this is to capture the moment, and that's how this moment is for me right now, as I sit here at 7am getting myself ready to go back to the hospital (it was a C-section job - more of a case of reluctant son than Dad in the end!).
I'm looking forward to getting him and the missus home - it was very lonely last night, although I guess I should be grateful for a reasonably unbroken sleep.
Bloody hell, who would have thought...certainly not me anyway.
Given how foolish I feel for all my previous reservations, I'm not sure whether I'll continue this blog. Probably will though, it's good to unload my hopes and fears safe in the knowledge that just about nobody is reading it anyway!!
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