Those were the days...

Time was when a typical Tuesday night in the Smoke would have meant a few beers after work, a gig, maybe a curry even? Tonight, on the other hand, I have a water birth workshop to go to.

Goody.

Still, I'm sure it'll be useful, as this has become our birthing method of choice, following recommendations from others, several of whom swear by its comforting properties.

The first of our NCT couples has had their baby. All seemed to go well and the missus was greatly relieved to hear that the mum in question found the whole thing less painful and hardcore than she was expecting.

As soon as we get into September (so he's not disadvantaged on schooling years) I reckon the missus will be wolfing down hot curry, drinking fruit teas and jumping up and down to get him out - she's fully into the maximum discomfort zone.

I'm just keeping my usual watching brief, helpng where I can and trying to keep my emotions in check. Not an easy task of late...having a little cry to Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah' is all well and good, but perhaps not ideal while on an exercise bike in a crowded gym...

Wow...

Wow! This weekend I had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.

We'd put the new cot together and the missus decided to break out the little mobile thingy that hangs over it and spins round to give junior something to look at. And once that was done she set it off just to try it out. As I looked at it whirring round and listened to it playing that classic baby jingle (you know the one) I just felt a sudden realisation hitting me and almost knocking me over. It was almost as if he was lying there already.

In fact it was more a tsunami of emotion - took me a while to get over it and still had a few secret tears at night-time.

Strange days indeed....

Clanking to the top of the coaster....

We're a bit closer to the point of no return now; the rollercoaster will soon be tipping over the edge into oblivion...

Well, of course if you're being pedantic, the point of no return was in fact when we found out about junior last January. But my analogy wouldn't work then, since a rollercoaster that took eight months to get to the top would be a bit dull....

Anyway, nothing dull in our home right now, thanks to the almost daily deliveries of flat-pack baby furniture, prams, car seats and miscellaneous peripherals. At this rate we'll have to move house just to fit it all in, and this is before we've bought any brightly coloured bloody toys!

I see what they mean about the cost of child-rearing.

I still can't make it all real in my mind. I get occasional flashes, a bit like an acid flashback (not that I'd know about that of course), of life after he arrives, but my consciousness soon returns to child-free. It's weird.

Given that the missus is approaching the 'could drop at any time' window, this won't last for long, however...

That's your last, last hurrah over boyo...

...and now it begins to get very serious.

Safe in the knowledge that my carefree life really would be over soon I've had a series of "last hurrah" trips away with various mates, including a madcap jaunt down to Magny-Cours F1 cicruit to see ex-Pink Floyd man Roger Waters play, plus a racing/boozing trip ooop north with my best mate and former Best Man, who is coincidentally also about to become a dad.

But now all those fun and games are over, junior is just over a month away from making his scheduled appearance and I'm shitting bricks, to be honest.

I really know nothing of what I face, as the hilarity which greeted my hamfisted attempts to bathe a very realistic 'dummy' baby at the most recent NCT class would attest.

I haven't been able to bring myself to pick up any of the countless books on child-rearing that are piling up at home, but I guess I better make a start...it'll be less harrowing than watching news coverage of the rape of Lebanon anyway (ooops, bit political there, sorry).

What has seemed like quite an imaginary thing so far, almost an out-of-body experience, is no longer such, but, unlike the missus, I feel no bond yet with the wriggling thing hidden inside her. What if I can't feel the necessary unconditional love for him when he finally comes out? The prospect of being an inaequate dad haunts me and is driving me crazy...

I have the same feeling of trepidation right now as you get on the initial drag up the rollercoaster ride. We haven't quite crested the top and started to roll very fast under our own steam, but we're close....very close.